The first call...

I don't know why it took so much courage to make that first phone call. Possibly because in a way I was admitting to myself that something I have always dreamed of and prayed so intensely for over the last few years may never happen. Or maybe because I'm afraid of starting on this potentially emotionally draining journey. Either way, I did it. I finally made the first phone call to LDS Family Services to inquire about starting the adoption process.
Not to say that emotional rollercoasters are a new thing in my life. As we have struggled with infertility over the last three and a half years I have ridden what I feel like is more than my fair share of rollercoasters. Over thinking every little change in your body and how you feel, thinking 'hey this might be the time' only to be bitterly disappointed. Going to doctors to try to find out what is wrong only to realize that you can't afford the treatments necessary to give you what seems to come so easily to most people. Being a social worker at a high school for pregnant and parenting teens and helping young girls in tears over an unexpected/unwanted pregnancy, wondering why these young, unprepared girls were entrusted with these gifts and not me. I've experienced a lot of anger often wondering, "Why is Heavenly Father withholding this blessing from me? I have done everything I've supposed to do: went to seminary, received a great college education, served a mission, lived worthy to enter the temple and be sealed for all eternity, and strive daily to keep the commandments. What have I done wrong to deserve this?" I've experienced sadness, jealousy, loneliness, and occasionally I've experienced hope.
I'm not sharing this for others to pity me or to feel bad for me. I know that everyone has trials, and that this life is for testing. While I still don't understand why this is my particular trial or exactly what the Lord wants me to learn from it, I'm tired of sitting back and feeling bad for myself. I do feel that someday we will be blessed with a family, whether biological or adopted. I am so grateful for my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and for the comfort of the scriptures and guidance of modern day prophets and apostles. One of my very favorite quotes came from General Conference a few years back by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin. His talk was titled "Come What May and Love It." I have tried to model my life after that quote, which is displayed in our living room. In his talk he said:
"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
I have faith that He knows my sorrows, afflictions, and the desires of my heart. And I look forward with anticipation to those tears of rejoicing and gratitude.
For today I am just proud of myself, firstly, for opening up about my experience with infertility (up until now I've been unable to put into words what I've been experiencing), and secondly, for making that first call to LDS Family Services. Will we decide to go the adoption route? I don't know, BUT knowing that there are other options out there and that I am strong enough to pursue them makes me feel a little better today.
One last quote just because it is so good:
"I testify that the Savior's Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair. If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended."
-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Broken Things to Mend
Hug your children, be grateful for your many blessing, and any prayers on our behalf would be greatly appreciated! Thank you friends. We love you and are so grateful for your continued support and love.

Another Birthday

I know I'm a month late, but I can't believe I just started my last year of my twenties! Yikes! I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that but there's nothing I can do about it. Luckily, Jeremy had the morning off so we got to spend some time together before he had to go to school. As always he spoiled me rotten, giving me a new fossil watch, a new purse, and taking me out to PF Chang's for dinner and the Cheesecake factory for dessert (I have the best husband ever). In fact, between him and my mom I was COMPLETELY spoiled.  My mom gave me money to buy a piano I'd been wanting to buy (yes she's awesome). Overall it was a great birthday and I loved hearing from so many friends and family. Thanks for making it special!



In other news:

- Jeremy and I got new callings. We are now the 4/5 year old primary teachers. That's what we get for agreeing to sub the class for three weeks when we first moved here.  ;-)  Someday I'll be able to go to Relief Society, but for now the Lord says I'm not finished in primary.

- Jeremy has been acing all his exams and tests so far in dental school and is loving it so much!

And last but not least we are heading to the white sandy beaches of Pensacola, Florida for a few days to celebrate the end of his summer term and to enjoy some time together before he hits the books hard. I'll definitely post pictures when we get back!



My New Obsession

So recently I've become obsessed with cute printables. Seriously there are some amazingly adorable ones on pinterest! Some are free to download and others costs money. I figured they looked easy enough to create so I've been messing around with some of my own for the last couple of days. It's really fun, although takes some time. But I'm learning some quick tricks, and I LOVE being creative! Here is what I have created in the last two days:



This was my first try. I thought it would be fun to frame for one of my neices or someone having a baby girl!

I did this one in like 5 minutes, but it's kinda fun.

I created this one tonight and have to say it's my favorite. I'm going to find a cheap frame at a thrift store, paint it white and frame it for our room!

Student Doctor

I've been trying to be good about photo documenting all the little firsts of Jeremy's new adventure. He was so excited and secretly a little nervous about starting school. Last Monday, July 2nd, was his first day but classes didn't really begin until Friday, July 6th. Now he's already slicing up cadavers and refining his anatomy knowledge and skills. I think he's really enjoying the learning part and is just excited to be done with all the "boring orientations and presentations." He kept coming home all frustrated the first few days saying, "How many times do we need to hear how important it is to budget our financial aid?" For right now he's in class from about 8am to usually around 3pm although his schedule will keep changing as different classes begin and end (it's not like a normal semester schedule). He has also been a real trooper about riding the bus to and from school since we now share one car. It's such a blessing to be so close to efficient (and free for students) public transportation. And if he's able to catch the express bus, it only takes a few more minutes than it would driving himself. We have already saved a lot of money by not paying for gas, or the $450 parking pass! Anyways, I'll keep the pictures and stories flowing as time goes by. It seems a little surreal that we are actually here in Louisville, with Jeremy attending dental school. We've talked and dreamt about this since we were first dating and it's so exciting that it's finally here!

Top Left: The week before school when he got his name tag. Top Right: Right outside the building where he will spend the next 4 years of his life!  Bottom Left: Sending him off on his first day of school.  Bottom Right: His school wardrobe for the next four years. Looks comfy to me!

Churchill Downs

Jeremy's dental school orientation/meet and greet was held at Churchill Downs (home of the Kentucky Derby) a few weeks ago. It was so much fun watching the horse races and choosing "my horse" before each race based on who had the most awesome name. (I couldn't figure out how to interpret their stats and basing my preditions on their names was more fun). We had a good time and met some new people, but the weather made the evening a little miserable. It was over 100 degrees (factor in humidity) when we arrived and when we left at 11pm that evening it had only "cooled" to the low 90's. YUCK! We were super sweaty to say the least! We are look forward to all the excitement of the Kentucky Derby next Spring.

Things are finally coming together for us here in Louisville. We have already made some amazing friends and have probably done more in the last month with friends than we did in the last few years in Boise. Jeremy is busy with school and I just recently (like today recently) got a super part-time job with a flexible schedule that will help bring in some extra income until I can get a full-time position. I'm doing administrative work for a little membership organization called The International Leica Society (formerly known as The Leica Historical Society of America). It's basically a camera club which a bunch of old men belong to! :) I'm just grateful for something to provide us with a little bit on extra income and that will keep me from getting so bored.

BSU Graduation

Hey guess what? We graduated!! So I'm a little behind with this post but on May 11th/12th Jeremy graduated Cum Laude with his Bachelor degree in Pre-Dental Studies and Human Biology, and I graduated with my Master of Social Work! My family (mom, dad, little brother Matt, little sister Jessica, brother-in-law Greer, and neice Zoe) all made the trip to Boise to celebrate this special occasion and it was SO much fun having them around for a few days. These are just a few pictures I had on my phone from graduation day, most of the pics of my family are on my mom's camera. My family dropped us off at the airport super early on the morning they were leaving town so we could catch our flight to Louisville to try to find housing. Thanks for being such a good sport mom! And thanks to everyone who made our days so special!

Louisville Life

Tomorrow marks a week since we moved to Louisville. I can't say everything has been easy-peasy but after reading my last post and reminding myself that I want to be the kind of person who finds the good in all situations I am going to attempt to do so. Let's just say the last week has been super eventful! But first lets back up a bit. I'll have to blog about graduation and spending time with my family who came into town in another post so this one doesn't become eternally long. So I guess I'll start at the move. On Jeremy's 25th birthday, May 31st, we packed all our belongings into a 16ft Budget truck, hooked up our one old car to the tow dolly, turned in our Boise townhouse keys and spent the rest of the evening with Jeremy's family before we left. Jeremy was super excited for his chocolate cake, with chocolate chips, and chocolate frosting (can you tell he's a chocoholic?).

The next day, June 1st, we set off on our mammoth journey! (So sad we didn't take a pic with the moving truck) Here's where we traveled to along the way:

June 1st: Drove to Spanish Fork, Utah and stayed with my sister Jessica, her husband Greer, and my neice Zoe.

Oh I'm going to miss my little Zoe!

June 2nd: Said goodbye to my sister and drove to Grand Junction, Colorado

Where we stayed in Grand Junction. Not bad but not great!

June 3rd and 4th: Drove to Colorado Springs, Colorado and stayed for two days with my college friends Dave and Camille, as well as visited with our good friends from Boise Shae and Wes. (Not sure how I didn't get any pictures with Camille and Dave?!?!?) Dave and Camille introduced us to Ticket to Ride and we played probably 6 times. Camille also made the most incredible dinners and desserts for us. She is an amazing cook and Jeremy is still raving about it!

Garden of the Gods with Jeremy

Garden of the Gods with Shae and Blake

June 5th: Drove to Topeka, Kansas

This my friends was as exciting as Kansas got!

June 6th: Drove to O'Fallon, Illinois

St. Louis Arch

June 7th: ARRIVED IN LOUISVILLE

We really are blessed that the drive went so well. I was terrified of tornadoes hitting us along the way but I'm happy to report there were no tornadoes. The worst weather we experienced was strong winds, and I'm just fine with that.

Soon after pulling up to our new home 4 or 5 guys from the elders quorum arrived to help us unload the moving truck (so grateful for the church). Half an hour later everything was unloaded and we started the unpacking process. Little did we realize that a few disasters were about to strike...

The next morning we woke up early to take the rental truck back (it had to be there by 8am to avoid any late fees). I jumped in our car to follow him there and after backing out of our spot the car made an awful noise, like the engine was dragging on the ground, and refused to move. Nothing could get it into gear, even putting it in park wouldn't work and the car would just roll backwards. Jeremy helped me push the car back into the spot, put on the emergency break, and he headed off in the truck while I woke up the only people I knew in Louisville to ask for help. (Sorry Lookhart family!) They are amazing people and jumped at the chance to help and even let us borrow one of their cars for the weekend until we could figure out what to do with our junker. A mechanic from the stake came to take a quick look at the car and told us that the AV axel was broken...awesome. So we had it towed to a shop and paid the huge amount to get it fixed only to receive a phone call about an hour later saying that our front breaks and roters were REALLY bad. At this point I'm in tears, and just so frustrated how much everything was costing and not sure how much to put into our junker car. We told the mechanic to just fix the axel and in the meantime Jeremy convinced me to go looking at new cars. Well friends, as opposed as I was to buying a new car, we really did get a sweet deal with super low payments, low interest, and a good trade in for our junker. We are now proud new owners of a 2012 Hyundai Accent.

Jeremy LOVES the new car...he hasn't even let me drive it yet!

While all this was going on the air conditioning in our new place decided not to work and we were in a hot humid apartment for over 24 hours with no air conditioning (probably what exacerbated my emotions). Also right before our car decided to break down we splurged on a really nice, new washer and dryer (we've never owned any and our new place just came with hookups). Probably wouldn't have bought such nice ones if we'd known we were going to buy a new car a few days later. Oh well...

Love our new washer and dryer!

So today our washer and dryer finally arrived for installation. I was so excited all day as I haven't done laundry in 2 weeks and was on my last pair of underwear! Well as the installation man was putting in our washer we heard him say, "Uh oh, somethings wrong with the washer. In my 7 years of doing this job I have NEVER seen this." Well, the 4 supports that hold up the washer drum had bust and the drum was literally sitting on the ground. The man called LG to report it broken and we were offered $100 or for a repair man to come fix it...um yeah right!!! The installation man politely refused both options and insisted on a complete replacement, which we will receive....NEXT WEDNESDAY!!! (hangs head in defeat) So off I went to the laundromat...at least I only had to pay for the wash since I have a working dryer!
So my friends Louisville has not been so kind to us so far, and has insisted on burying us deeper in debt. I've cried, I've screamed, and I've felt really defeated....but on the other hand there have been really amazing things that have happened!

• We love our new townhome and are almost completely done unpacking (pictures to come)
• We have met some incredible dental/medical couples who I know we will be great friends with. One of the medical couples even lives in our complex and they are just wonderful!
• We've already been invited to a Sunday dinner, movie night, girls night watching the bachelorette, church ball, and many more...
• I have experience fireflies for the first time, which are truly amazing! Love them!
• There is a Walmart and Target IN THE SAME PARKING LOT just down the road from us!

We are hoping that the Lord sees we are sufficiently humbled for now and that the huge trials will slow down a bit. Nevertheless, we are grateful for the blessings in our life and are so excited for what is to come in the next days, months, and years. Now it's time to decide what fun little trip we would like to take before school starts on July 2nd and before I find a job....we are so close to so many places! More to come on our adventures....


Who I want to be...

Some experiences I've had over the past week have caused me to do a lot of self reflection. I've been thinking a lot about the kind of person I want to be. If I were to die tomorrow how would people remember me? What would be my legacy? Would anyone say their life was better for having known me? I know this sounds weird but I feel like I've been living one accomplishment to the next, all the while telling myself, "when I'm done with grad school I'll have time to be a better friend and sister." Or "when I don't have to work as much I'll have time to serve others." One of my best excuses is, "when we are settled in our careers and don't have to worry about finances as much I'll be a more positive happier person." But I'm beginning to realize that there will always be some excuse, some obstacle, that I say is in my way making it hard for me to be the kind of person I want to be.
I want to be the kind, reliable friend that everyone knows they can turn to.

I want to be positive and happy, and find the beauty and good in every day and every situation.

I want to be the kind of person who exhausts themselves serving others, without thinking what I will receive in return.

I want others to feel the love God has for them through me.

I want to be the kind of person who only says nice things about others, and never participates in gossip.

I want to be known as confident and spontaneous, while at the same time reliable and steadfast.

I want to be patient and forgiving.

There are so many things I want to be and feel like I'm so far away from the kind of person I long to be. I know there is a time and a season for all things, and that right now it's my time to get as much education as I can and to work to support Jeremy and I as he pursues his dental career. But I can't help but thinking that our days are numbered and nobody knows when their time will be up. I don't want to be so focused on "later" that I never become the kind of person I want to be today. I have made it my renewed goal to live in the moment and stop putting off till tomorrow who I'm capable of being today!

Who'd have thought...

...that trying to plan a cross country move, while finishing up a masters degree (not to mention working, and interning) would be such a stressful thing?!?!

Really, I don't think I even know how to say the name of the city correctly!

Have you ever moved cross country to a place you've never even stepped foot in? There are so many things to think about! What neighborhoods the safest but also reasonably affordable? How bad will our commute be if we live in a suburb?  Can we survive with one car? What bank are we going to change to since our current one doesn't exist in Kentucky? How do I get my social work license in KY?  Am I going to be able to find a job? Do we need to invest in a firearm? (okay I'm probably going overboard)

What I'm trying to say is I'm a little stressed, nervous, and EXCITED.  The perfectionist planner in me is making my head spin! Don't get me wrong. We are so excited for our new adventure! Words can't even express how grateful we are that Jeremy got into dental school and that in 3 months (wow that's soon) we will be making our cross country trek.  I'm excited for a change in scenery, and have heard so much about the beautiful green landscape...and the Kentucky derby...and Southern hospitality...

I know it will all be glorious, thrilling, and exciting but for now I need to just relax and trust that the Lord will take care of us, and make sure I don't get so distracted that I fail my final semester of school...did I mention it's my final semester of school...like FOREVER! Yep, I'm thrilled too!

Anyways, if you have any thoughts or insights about Louisville or happen to know someone nice enough to let us stay with them when we fly out to look for housing, that would be absolutely wonderful!

Tons of Updates!

Well since I only have time to update my blog in between semesters I have a lot of catching up to do. Sorry I’m going back so far but as this is the only journaling I do, it’s mostly for me to remember.

SUMMER

This summer Jeremy and I were able to go on a few really awesome vacations. In July we went to Depot Bay, Oregon with Jeremy’s family for a mini-family reunion. We stayed for a week in a beach house with our own private access to the beach…yep…AMAZING! Some highlights of the trip were:

1) Stoping by Multnomah Falls on our way to the coast.

2) Watching Jeremy and his brothers body board in the FREEZING water. Jeremy was the only one who didn’t have a wet suit, and even though he was freezing he loved it too much to stop.

(Hehehe-They both got taken out by waves at times)

3) Going out on a boat whale watching and having a whale come up multiple times right by the boat! The trip didn’t last very long though because despite taking a ton of Dramamine Jeremy’s family started getting sick

4) Touring a working lighthouse.  Totally reminded me of Pete's Dragon.

5) Having a photo shoot with my sister-in-law Erin on the beach, which included handstands and all kinds of crazy jumps!

6) Hanging out in the hot tub.

(Didn't take any pics of us in the hot tub but this is the house we stayed in and you can see the tub in the corner)

7) Shopping at all the downtown shops and antique stores (and getting really awesome crocs!)

8) Watching the beautiful sunsets!

And here are a few extra photos from our trip:

Overall it was an amazing trip and we had so much fun!

We also took a trip out to California for a Welge family reunion, but sadly this trip didn’t go as smoothly. Not realizing how many miles we had put on our car since it’s last oil change we set out for California in August. The plan was to meet my family at their campsite in Calaveras Big Tree forest, camp with them two nights and then head to Sacramento for a few days before driving back to Boise. Well we made it about 500 miles and were about 40 miles away from the campsite when our car broke down. This wouldn’t have been a big deal except for the fact that we broke down in the Stanislas National forest on a tiny one lane highway so far out in the middle of nowhere that there was no cell service and no houses or stores or anything. We assumed that when it started getting dark and we hadn’t showed up at my family’s campsite that they would come looking for us. We assumed wrong!

The note I wrote when I still thought my parents would come looking for us.




Some nice people stopped and tried to help us, someone even drove way out of the way and bought us oil to put in our car, but none of it helped. Luckily we had sleeping bags and food and water in the car and so we decided to camp overnight and hope my family came looking for us. We got in our sleeping bags and had the worst night of sleep ever in the car. It was SO COLD outside once the sun went down (turns out we were right near the summit of the mountain), and I got really sick in the middle of the night. In the morning we decided we were going to have to pack a backpack and just start hiking up the highway. We ended up hiking about 8 miles (3 miles of extremely steep switchbacks up to the summit) before we found a little overlook where our cell phones got service. Through a series of miracles we were able to get in contact with my cousins husband who was trying to reach us through skype (none of them had cell service either but they were starting to get worried about us). We told him where we were at on the side of the road and he came to rescue us. We were taken back to our car where we emptied it of everything and met up with the family at the campsite. At that point we were sunburned, had blisters from walking so far and were totally exhausted. We made the most of the last day of camping and got to take a really awesome hike to see the giant redwoods, which I loved! We had our car towed to Sacramento and we squeezed into my parents car. The rest of the vacation was fun, although a little stressful just trying to decide how the heck we were going to get home for the first week of school and what we were going to do with our car. We ended up renting a car and driving it back home and our car is still in Sacramento to this day. A family friend fixed it up and now my brother is driving it until we take it back next summer. Jeremy’s brother was nice enough to let us borrow one of his cars for the school year so that Jeremy and I could both get around, and it’s actually been really nice being able to drive a nicer car than what we had.
Here are some pictures from that trip:

FALL 2011 SEMESTER
Once the semester started Jeremy and I were both crazy busy. Jeremy applied for dental school this summer and throughout the semester got invited to 4 dental schools for interviews during the semester. First he flew out to Louisville, Kentucky where he interviewed with the University of Louisville, then he flew to Las Vegas, Nevada and interviewed at UNLV, then he flew to Loma Linda, California and interview at Loma Linda University. The last place he flew to was Mesa, Arizona where he interviewed at A.T. Still. He had a blast traveling even if they were really short trips. When he wasn’t traveling for dental school interviews he was busy working (he does developmental therapy with disabled children, and also works in a dental lab), and also studying for all his science classes. This semester was loaded up with really hard upper level sciences classes which included: The Molecular Biology of Cancer, Biochemistry, Pharmacology, Genetics, and Head and Neck Anatomy. He worked really hard and ended the semester with all A’s and B’s!

My semester was pretty busy as well. I took 15 credits of graduate social work courses. My social work internship this school year is with St. Alphonsus Medical Group, where I work at a medical clinic which services a majority of the refugees in the Boise area. It’s been a learning experience for sure, and while it’s not exactly what I wanted to do permanently it’s a pretty good internship. Between my 15 credits at school, a 20 hour a week internship and working at the gym about 20+ hours a week, I stay extremely busy. Jeremy and I both are getting super excited for graduation in May! I can’t wait to be done!

WINTER BREAK
December 1st was the first day that dental schools could start sending out acceptance letters and Jeremy stayed up all night the night before checking his emails to see if he got an acceptance. At about 5am he woke me up to tell me he got accepted to the University of Louisville. We are both so excited he got accepted somewhere and really excited for a change of scenery. We are still waiting to hear back from Arizona and UNLV who will send out second rounds of acceptances in January, as we would probably rather live there than in Kentucky. Either way we are just excited that in 4 years he will officially be a dentist!!!!

Well that’s our last six months in a nutshell. Life has been very eventful and at times super stressful but we are so grateful for all the blessings in our life. . . And very grateful that our goals that we have been working towards for forever are starting to become a reality.